If you’ve ever tried to push anxiety away, you probably know how it goes. You sort out one worry, and another one pops up. You finally settle your racing heart, and your mind fires off a fresh “what if?” It’s exhausting, and I hear versions of this story from people almost every week.
There’s a simple way I like to explain what’s going on, and it comes from a childhood arcade game.
The whack-a-mole problem
You know the game. Moles pop out of holes, you whack them with a mallet, and the faster you hit, the faster they appear.
Anxiety can work in much the same way. The moles are your anxious thoughts, feelings and body sensations: What if I get this wrong? What if something bad happens? Why is my chest so tight? The mallet is everything you do to make them go away, like reassurance-seeking, avoidance, overthinking, distraction, or trying really hard to “think positive.”
None of these strategies are silly. They make sense, and they often help in the moment. But over time you can end up always on guard, always swinging, and your life starts to shrink around the game. This is a big idea in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): sometimes the struggle with anxiety becomes a bigger problem than the anxiety itself.
Step 1: Notice you’re in the game
The first step is simply noticing the mallet in your hand. What do you tend to do when anxiety shows up? Cancel plans? Check your phone again and again? Replay that conversation at 2am?
There’s no blame in this. It’s just getting curious about what you’ve been doing and whether it’s really working for you in the long run. If you’d like a broader look at how I work with worry and panic, you can read more about anxiety support.
Step 2: Put down the mallet
This is the part that surprises people. ACT doesn’t teach you to whack the moles faster. It invites you to put the mallet down.
That doesn’t mean giving up, and it doesn’t mean you have to like feeling anxious. It means making room for uncomfortable thoughts and feelings without wrestling with them. The moles might still pop up, but you stop pouring all your energy into fighting them.
A handy skill here is defusion, which is learning to see a thought as a thought rather than a fact. “I’m going to fail” becomes “I’m having the thought that I’m going to fail.” It’s a small shift, but it can loosen a thought’s grip more than you’d expect. I’ve written more about this in simple defusion techniques.
Step 3: Watch the whole board
Once the mallet is down, you can look at the whole board. In ACT, mindfulness simply means staying present and curious about what’s happening inside you, without being dragged along by every mole that appears.
Many people are surprised to find that when they stop fighting, the moles lose some of their urgency. Thoughts come and thoughts go. You’re not the game, and you’re not the moles. You’re the one watching.
Step 4: Ask what you’d rather be doing
Here’s the question I come back to again and again: If you weren’t spending so much time at the machine, what would you be doing instead?
Maybe it’s being a more present parent, doing work you care about, travelling, or just feeling at ease around people. These are your values, and they give your energy a direction other than “get rid of anxiety.” If you’re not sure where to start, my post on finding your values is a gentle first step.
Step 5: Take one small step
Finally, ACT is about committed action: small, practical steps towards what matters to you, even with anxiety coming along for the ride. That might mean saying yes to the coffee invite, speaking up in the meeting, or heading out for that walk. The moles may keep popping up, but you’re no longer glued to the machine.
A different relationship with anxiety
ACT isn’t a quick fix, and it doesn’t promise a life without anxiety. What it offers is a different relationship with it, where anxiety is part of life rather than the boss of it. It’s also backed by a solid research base, which I find reassuring.
If this resonates and you’d like some support, I’d be glad to hear from you. We see adults at our practice in Varsity Lakes on the Gold Coast, and we offer telehealth appointments to people anywhere in Australia. You’re welcome to book a session or get in touch with any questions.
This article is general information only and isn’t a substitute for individual professional advice.
